September 28th, 2026
The Dangers of Perfectionism:
One of the most common issues that I see among people who visit my office is perfectionistic tendencies and the negative consequences that those tendencies can create. Of course, most people dream of perfect lives and there is nothing wrong with wanting that. However, too often, not having what they want exactly how they want it causes unhappiness. Wanting to do things well isn't inherently a problem. The difficulty begins when anything short of the desired result becomes evidence that we've failed or that something is wrong with us.
Cognitive Distortions:
People struggling with perfectionism tend to jump to conclusions by telling themselves, “I failed to meet the standard and it was my fault,” or they may see the situation as “all or nothing” and tell themselves, “I did not meet the standard, therefore I failed,” despite the fact that they still made progress. Rarely do people question whether the standard was fair or whether they had enough time to complete it.
These kinds of thinking patterns are examples of what cognitive therapists call “cognitive distortions,” a concept associated with the work of Aaron Beck and others. Cognitive distortions are harmful thinking patterns that can contribute to or reinforce symptoms of depression and anxiety when practiced repeatedly over time.
Reframing Your Thinking:
When treating individuals struggling with perfectionism, many counselors will attempt to help clients identify their cognitive distortions and their origins. They will work with those clients to reframe those thinking patterns or replace them.
If you notice that you practice these kinds of thinking patterns try this exercise:
Ask Yourself:
If an individual fails to achieve a specific standard but still makes progress, does that mean that he or she failed?
What does it mean to fail?
Is the standard you chose reasonable?
If “Yes” How can you break the task down into more manageable steps?
If “No”: What is a more reasonable standard?
Did you choose the standard?
If “Yes”: Why is the standard important to you?
If “No”: What do you think the standard should be?
Does it reflect what you really want?
If “Yes”: Acknowledge that while you have a clear vision of where you want to be, even if you are not there yet.
If “No”: What do you want?
Do you have the skills needed to meet the standard?
If “Yes”: How can you hold yourself to that standard?
If “No”: What support do you need to meet your goal?
These questions help people struggling with perfectionism realize that perfection in many areas is unrealistic. Choosing a more realistic goal and learning to recognize the progress you are making can help reduce self-blame and make it easier to keep moving forward. The objective is not always to lower the standard, but to recognize how high the standard a client has set for themselves truly is.
Final Thoughts:
A professor in college once told me, “Perfection is the enemy of the good,” and he was right. While it is almost always beneficial to hold high expectations, when those expectations become unmanageable, they can create harm. Remember to stop periodically and recognize the progress that you have made. Most importantly, asking yourself whether the goals you have set are reasonable and whether they align with what you really want can help you to keep any cognitive distortions in check. Every person is different with different goals and needs. The best goals are the ones that align with your wants, needs, and values.